message board

Message from: Dawn, 16 May 05

Subject: Why are they leaving me?

Hi there, I just came across this site today and started reading lots of the messages people had posted on here. I feel so bad for everyone and I want to say I'm really sorry for anyone who has experienced a loss. I know how terrible it can be.

Unfortunetly 5 people that I have been close to have died in the past 2 years and I can't handle any more death. The worst was my Papa dying last year in April. It was just his anniversary a few weeks ago and it was very hard. He died of cancer in the liver, which spread all over his body. We found out he had had the cancer for over 2 years, but nobody had found it any sooner. I miss him so much. Then just before Christmas just there my Great Uncle died from a heart attack. He was driving his daughter to work one day and took a heart attack at the wheel. He died after suffering 2 more later that day in hospital. Also, just over 2 years ago my friend from school died after being run down on the way home. This really upset my whole year and we took it pretty hard and it didn't help when last year during the Summer holidays another school friend died after a sudden collapse. I'm still not actually sure how he died, we think he had something wrong with his brain since he was born, but nobody knew. And then, just recently - I help out in an old peoples' home and I found out an old man I took care of died last Sunday. I just started crying as soon as I found out. I couldn't believe it. I wasn't extremely close or anything, but I always liked to talk to him and he was so friendly. I can't believe he died.

I'm only 14 and trying my best to cope with all these deaths, but it's really hard. Sometimes when I'm around my family and friends they help me feel better but sometimes I just feel like being on my own and crying.

Can somebody please give me some advice on how to help me cope better with these deaths? I can't take anymore.

xXDawnXx

Subject:Message 4 u

Dear Dawn, thankyou for your message & I'm so sorry to hear that 5 people close to you have died in the last 2 years.That's a lot to deal with & it's not surprising that you're struggling to make sense of it and find a way to cope. We just wanted to let you know that Cruse do have a young persons helpline on 0808 80 1677 (open Mon- Fri 9.30 - 5.00pm) where you can talk to someone about how you feel. It's free, confidential and won't show up on your phone bill, maybe you could give them a call, it can help a lot to talk about your feelings to someone. You can also send us an e-mail and someone will reply directly to you.Wishing you all the best for now. RD4U Team

Subject:Thanks

Thanks for the advice. I know this probably sounds silly but I'm always too scared to phone helpline numbers or anything because I don't really like talking about my problems face to face with someone else. It's easier talking about it over the net, especially to people I don't know. I'm not sure why, but it just makes things easier to talk about. Me and my friends sometimes talk about our problems, but I don't like shoving my problems onto someone else. Most people think of me as a happy person and I don't want there opinions of me to change.

But anyway, thanks for the advice. :)

xXDawnXx

Subject: I'm sorry =(

I'm sorry =( That's alot to cope with. My dad died 5 years ago this year. Death is something that is around us alot. It's one of lifes toughest challenges and no matter how hard we try, we can't escape it. Sometimes I just sit in my room and cry my eyes out. Sometimes I just can't. I won't say I know how you feel because I really don't but what I will say is that I think you are so brave and coping so well. Never give up, because in the end, things will get better. Every cloud has a silver lining, there is only so much a person can take, but sometimes talking is a good way to let things out. I wish you all the best.
Anna x

Subject:Thank you

Thanks Anna, I'm really sorry about your Dad. Thanks for replying too. Sometimes I just feel like crying my eyes out as well and I think it really does help, but sometimes I just feel numb and don't really want to cry. It just depends if I'm having a good or bad day. I won't say I know how you feel either because even though I have lost a lot of people close to me, I have never lost a parent. So, I really don't know what that is like. I wish you the best of luck though also. :)

xXDawnXx

Subject:hello

i just found this site today and it was comforting to hear of people going through the same as me. my brother died a year ago and i have bottled it up till now, just like you dawn i dont like talking to people over the phone and prefer the net. the worst thing i think to do is to bottle it up, its not a nice place to be. like you i am seen as a happy person and would hate of people to change there opetion of me but you have to let people in to help if they are good friends/family there will understand.

Subject: talking helps

Hi Dawn
I'm really sorry to read what you're going through & the losses you have had. I lost my dad suddenly last April & have found the last year so hard, sometimes I didn't think I would make it & sometimes I didn't feel I wanted to. Up until last year I had always been a person that hated being emotional & telling people how I felt (still do sometimes!)but with the help of some amazing friends I have learnt to open up more and to tell them how bad I feel, how much I miss my dad, how much the pain hurts. Being able to talk to my friends has been a big factor for me in trying to cope. It's not always that easy & sometimes I sit alone & cry - sometimes I need to deal with the grief on my own. Dawn there are so many ways of grieving, no way is wrong, just do what you feel is right for you and helps you along the way. Don't be afraid to talk. I hope this has helped you.
xJenx

Subject:Thanks both of you

Thanks both Jack and Jenny. I'm so sorry for your losses and thanks for all you said. I'm trying my best to open up to people as much I can. And I agree, it does help. I hope you guys are okay. :) Thanks again.

xXDawnXx

Subject:you are inspiring!!

Dawn, oh my goodness.
i jus found this site today an after loosin my best mate jus over 2yrs ago, im stil hurtin so much and take evryday as it comes.
I almost 19 nd hope that oneday my bad experiences will help me to help other ppl.
I jus want to say that havin only read 1 message from you, you have already helped me.
you're 14 an are copin with so many deaths, my heart goes out to you huni, it really does. i dont know how you've done it but i hope that things start to look up for you!!
talkin helps for some ppl but ive found that writin does too.
treasure the friends n family you have cos u never know wht tmoro will brng! xxx

Subject:thats anbliveable

hi dawn i cant belive i feel so sorry for you that is unbliveable i really cant cope with 1 death but 5 and if you need any one to talk to my message number is 740 from XxdaniellexX

Subject:(no subject)

be strong and look to the future. friends are therre to lean on in times are trouble. its what friends are for. I made a big mistake by not recieving couciling when i lost my uncle to cancer and grandad to a heart attack. i recomend it because i have OCD as a result of loss and it makes life now six years on harder. Please if you need to talk just do i think nearly everyone here using rd4u understands if not were doing our best! chin up be strong xxxxx

Subject: Thank you for your replies

Thank you everybody for your replies. I'm managing to cope better with things. My mum talks to me a lot about my papa, which helps quite a bit. It's nice to talk about him, as his death affected me the most. I'm now 15 and have just started a busy year at school. I'm trying to do my best now and make everyone I miss proud. I'll work hard for them. :)

Lynz - I'm really happy that my post helped you and I'm sorry you lost your best friend. That must have been very tough. Be strong.

Thanks everyone for your kind replies.

xXDawnXx

Subject:hi

hi i no how u feel i am so sorry about it.