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Message from: Abigail, 5 Dec 04

Subject: My Friend's Mum Died

My friend was in a car crash about 5 years ago. She's never got over it she told me she can't remember anything about it but that a big lorry forced them to swerve and they fell into a ditch on the motorway. She survived over the period of 6 months but her Mum died.

She feels so guilty that she was the surviver when her Mum should've really survived, and she doesn't understand why people don't know how to be sympathetic to her. They can't even stand by her without it going into this eerie silence. She's got no friends now her grades are going low and she can't have fun at home with her Dad who wants to remarry with a girl she really doesn't like. Any tips for her and for me?

Subject: hi

hi abigail. it was nice to read that you are so concerned about your friend. i think if i wanted my friends to say anything i would want to know that they were there if i ever needed to talk - about anything. Most people who have lost someone need to talk about it with someone close, it makes them feel much better instead of having to keep it all to yourself. i know that when i lost my dad i would have done anything for my friends to ask how i was or if i ever wanted to talk about it, but it never happened. i bottled it all up, and in the end i got so low i wanted to give up on everything. in the end i had to go to a councillor and that way i got to speak about how i felt. it helped quite abit. just knowing i could talk to someone about how i was feeling. alot of people feel guilty about someone close dying and feel like it should be them, or there was something they should of done, but in the end you cant change what has happened. as for people going silent when she is stood there it is because they dont know what to say, because they dont really understand. i think the best thing for you to do is to let her know you are there for her, and if she ever needs to talk - listen. i hope i have been some help and i hope your friend is ok. luv nicky xxx