message board

Message from: Lucy Reeves - 10 Dec 01

Subject: My dad

My dad died nearly two years ago now. I was 12 at the time. I wish that I had found this site earlier. My mum says i'm fine now but I think I haven't greived properly, i'm still angry at everything. My friends dont understand, and although my dads best friend died a week after my dad and i have his daughter's friendship, i still feel incredibally alone because my dad was so special to me.

Subject: My dad

I have to agree with what you have said. My dad died four years ago this year and I still don't feel right I have been taken to one person after another but nobody understands. I have even tried to kill myself to be with my dad. He was so special and I don't feel right or wanted without him. It takes time, a long time for some people. Life without him seems not possible some days.

Subject: my dad..

hey jenny..my dad died of stomach cancer on the 01/07/2002 two days before my birthday.....he was 62....he was only ill for 4 months but he got so ill in that time it was unbearable for me to be in the house...he died in hospital cos if he had stayed at home he would have died a lot sooner.Its hard for me to carry on ...i just think lifes so pointless without him.(i can imagine wat hed say though......WELL SON!!!THE WORLDS OVER POPULATED AS IT IS)....he was a true cynic..and i miss that and the fact that he was dad....my mums still alive and i have two bros and a sister.......thing is.....i just dont wanna waste my life you know.....he wouldnt want that and i dont want that........but i cant help feeling lonely and cynical about everything....i get so angry with ppl and i find it hard to trust people.....wat should i do huh?

Subject: Reply for James

James, I wont say I know how you feel becasue I know that nobody will ever know how it feels as each of us are different but I can say that over time (a long time) things do seem easier to handel. anger is normal I still feel it five years after my dad died. People don't know what to say and think that they are helping but I know that they arent always but you need to just try and explain to people how you feel. Find a friend or relative you can talk to, someone who will listen whilst you let all your anger out but who you can trust. I have found that person and they really help me weather they are a shoulder to cry on, someone to scream at or just a friend to have a laugh at, they really help me without even knowing it.

Subject: My dad

Jenny I was sorry to hear about your loss. My dad died just over a year ago. on the year anniversary we went to spread the ashes (27th June) I did it because my mum and sister couldn't and I wanted to let him go. I know nobody understands exactly how you feel because every situation is kinda different, but if you need to talk you can contact me. I've been searching for someone to talk to for ages. I've been on tons of websites but this is the best one cos I can put messages up for everyone to see. Does any one need to talk or need to listen??

Subject: Thanx Toyah

Thanx I'd luv to stay in touch if u like, I'm just not shore how. I have been looking through loads o sites and I agree that this is a really good site.

Subject: to jenny

jenny, i can understand what you are going through, i tried to slit my wrists when my dad died(3 weeks ago)and had to lie to my family and friends about the scars, the scars are almost gone now, and i am sad that i did it

Subject: my dad

hi my dad died just over two months ago. I still feel numb. He'd been ill for so long and it was inevitable that he was gong to die but I just never dreamed it would be so hard to deal with. The worst part of it is the loneliness. Nobody knows how I feel and I can't expect anyone to but sometimes I just wish I had someone to talk to.

Subject: dad and mum

i lost my dad from a heartattack nearly 7 yrs ago and i am scared to let go of hope that he will be back soon. i know if i let go of that hope i will no longer be around. that bit of hope keeps me alive. i feel so alone and so scared. i lost my mum when i was 4 so 13 yrs ago i cant even remember what she looked like.

Subject: My dad

my dad only died a week ago and i feel like i haven't even began 2 grieve....i can't take it in or believe that he is gone....i don't want 2 get on with my life i just want him back.he was ill for about 2 years but it was still a shock..i'm just numb

Subject: Reply to My dad

Hi Liz,
Thanks for posting this message, it's great you feel able to do so.
It is understandable that you feel numb, and still in shock, as it has only been a week since your dad died. There are many different ways of grieving, and no one way is the right way.There is a timeline on this website, which you may like to look at, it shows the length of time some people need to grieve. You will begin to grieve when you are ready, and maybe putting this message on the message board is the beginning.
Have you thought of speaking to someone close to you, about how you are feeling? Maybe a family member, or someone you can trust at school or college?
Hope this has helped in some way.

Laura and Annabel
website volunteers

Subject: dad

my dad died in his sleep 12 weeks ago. He wasn't ill there was no signs, he went to bed and never woke up. i don't believe he's gone, keep waiting for him to come back, always will.

Subject: Dad

I lost my father at the age of 16 and 9 years later, at the age of 25, it has finally caught up with me. Even if you feel fine and strong, you may just be pushing it down and trying not to upset the other parent who is left caring for you. I worked hard at University and have a good job now, but I feel lonely now that I don`t have anything to take my mind off what I went through. It is VERY important to talk to somebody who understands. Sometimes family are too close to the situation, and friends are too busy having fun to want to listen, but there will be somebody willing to listen today. I wish that I had found somebody to talk to earlier.

Subject: my dad

my dad died just over a year ago, he was an alcoholic and he died after his body couldn't take it anymore. i suppose he must have been ill for years but we never knew. he didn't admit it even when it got reallly bad but i knew it. we had to leave him and go to this refuge place because it was getting really bad, he died on his own and i still feel guilty about it. no one i know has had anyone close to them die and i want to talk about it, but everytime i mention it to try to talk about it they all go silent and look realy uncomfortable so i have to change the subject.

Subject: isolation

my dad died almost a year ago, now that the numbness has gone i feel 100% sadness and total isolation. even tho i have all my friends around me, because i feel so diffrent from them, i just feel so alone and isolated. i agree with the previous msg (sorry i forget ur name!) where when u try to talk 2 sum1 they just look uncomfortable, this makes things 10000 times worse becoz u know they dont understand wat ur going thru. at the end of the day all we want is the pain to go away, but it takes time. i either want to push the clock way forward, or back a year. but i cant, so i have to live for now, which is the worst bit of it all

Subject: For the love of our DAD's

Hi Lucy R
Thankyou so much for leaving me a message! It's now Sept 02 and i'm now 19yrs old! And the loss of my Dad is still hard to take and he died 6 years ago now and still now i feel as though i haven't really grieved for him! Even now when i talk about him with my mum i feel my self starting to cry! I feel as though part of me went when he did and i wanted to go with him and about 3 years after he died i tried to camit suicide! I believe i was very lucky it didn't work and i'm still here now! My mum still doesn't know that i did this and i don't want her to find out. i was very week and depressed and i couldn't talk to my friends coz they thought i should be over it by then so they didn't want to know.
This carried on through Sixth form the same, then when i got up to college i just kept my problems to my-self, coz i thought know one would want to know. Then when my Best friend died all my pain came flooding back i couldn't believe the pain, BUT IT WAS DIFFERENT THIS TIME, everyone had the time and my tutors were great they would just stop and liston to me and surjested i go to see a councillor and so i did and she was wonderful, at first i wouldn't talk but then it just flooded out and she just listoned! Then after that me and mum seemed to be getting on better and when we did so i knew she didn't agree with councilling so i had to stop coz i didn't want her to find out and i didn't want to upset her and that was the BIGGEST wrong move for me coz when i stopped i didn't have a time for me a time for me to release my fears and feelings!
And then with college work getting what seemed like harder i got stressed and along with other triggers my Asthma got worse and i was taken by ambulance to hospital 4 times with savere asthma attacks and now i've left college it seems that i have no one to talk to at all. my close friends have jobs or r just about to go to uni and i'm in the middle of finding a job, and applying to uni to studie nursing! my advice to you is go and see a councillor they will liston to you, won't tell u to shut up, or egnore u and they aren't to close to get upset by what you are saying! i've started to greive more for my dad and once a week i make time to talk to my dad, yes i know it sounds silly but i just tell him what i've been up to and whats been going on and how much i miss him, and when i'm really upset i ask him for a hug (i know this will sound silly)but i can feel him and it makes me feel happy!
DON'T EVER STOP THINKING ABOUT YOUR DAD AND REMEMBER HE WILL ALWAYS BE PRODE OF YOU!
I know this one was well long! BUt if you ever want to talk leave me a message.

Subject: i know how it feels

i was 10 when my dad died of cancer his aniversiery is in the weekend nobody understands how i feel and i feel like i havent greved enough

Subject: Hard times

I know losing ppl can be hard and it is normal to feel like this years on as you are not used to the change. Just give yourself time to get used to it. Never feel bad coz this is not your fault hun

Subject: My farther

my dad also died but only a month ago and i cant get over it.If u saw him u would be like.."Him?! he died?! he dont look like the person that would die just like that!?"
and well he was only 35 and he knew that he wouldnt make it to 37.
he knew! if he knew he should have been carefull!!!!
but no.....he left me...he also took a big chunk of my heart and soul with him.
I thought God hated me for WEEKS
that is until i saw him in one of my dreams telling me he loved me and holding my hand.
After that i beleived and i also have nightmares every night....i dont kno what he is trying to say...if u need anyone to talk to just let me kno!
i need company anyway.